Unique lives challenge parents to evolve to meet a child’s needs

Parenting, under even the most ideal circumstances, can be a dangerous world of fencing with the unknown, trying to raise up a child in a very strange time without a user manual to follow. Parenting a child with special needs offers an especially double edged sword as the beauty of family intersects with what can be a crushing sense of isolation and the challenge of modifying expectations. Exhausting but rewarding, confining but intimate, the ultimate blessings for these warriors come in small but magical doses unseen by a population busily going about its ‘normal’ life.

Parent Jennifer Lynn Marquissee’s daughter is a part of the special education program at West, and she is thankful for the welcoming atmosphere her student experiences.

“The environment at school is positive and very encouraging. It’s challenging where it needs to be, but not overly,” she said. “It’s important to keep exposing the kids to things that might seem a little beyond their level in case one day something clicks and they go ‘now it makes sense.”

Beyond the programs at West, math teacher John Stack is pleased with the special education program at the middle school level that his daughter is a part of.

“She absolutely loves school and the whole experience,” he said. “She loves getting on the bus, riding the bus to school, seeing her paras, and seeing her friends that are in her self-contained room. The school does an outstanding job of incorporating her into the building.”

Special Education teacher Stephanie Polak’s son was a part of the special education program at West. One of the challenges he faced in school was being unable to participate in certain activities with his peers, normal rites of passage that are often taken for granted.

“I think he knew, in his mind, that he couldn’t keep up with some of the other things,” she said. “Also for him, during his junior and senior years when everyone was applying for colleges, he just knew that wasn’t going to be something he was able to do. It was more of an emotional challenge where he knew he had a disability and he knew there were some obstacles.”

For Marquissee’s daughter, physical restrictions prove to be a significant challenge.

“As awesome as everybody is as far as accessibility goes, there are some limitations. That’s just what happens in a building this old,” she said. “Sometimes accessibility is a challenge. Like in the auditorium, she can’t get on stage from the front. She has to go around back because there’s no ramp.”

Despite the challenges, West has proven to be a flexible environment that leads to growth. For Polak’s son, accomodating his individual needs was a large contributor to his success in school.

“He had to have a lot of things put on tape, so if he was in English class and they were reading books that were small print, it was overwhelming for him because we knew he couldn’t comprehend it very well,” he said. “So we put the books on tape and it made a world of difference for him. He could listen to the story and truly understand a lot better.”

As well as success in academics, Polak’s son had good relationships with his peers and formed close friendships.

“My son personally was accepted pretty well. He managed the basketball team, and he played soccer for a little while when he could,” she said. “His teammates always encouraged him and the more they got to know him, they all knew what he could and could not do and they were there praising him when he could do things.”

A new aspect recently brought to the school district to make athletics accessible for kids with disabilities is the Adaptive Sports League. Both North and West have teams made up of kids from the special education departments, and parent Sara Muhlbauer’s son is a member of the West team.

“There are three different sports that happen throughout the school year,” she said. “If a student participates in all three sports and are there for practice and games, they have the opportunity to earn a varsity letter for athletics.”

Muhlbauer was impressed with the devotion West showed to supporting the Adaptive Sports League athletes during a game.

“This last season, West did a phenomenal job with really embracing a game. They had the pep band and dance team there,” she said. “To be able to see students come in and support these kids and their athletic adventures was awesome. You can tell that there is pride at West for who’s in the special ed program and wanting them to feel a part of the school.”

Although West is doing well with integrating special education students into school culture, there is always room for improvement. Marquissee wants the student body to understand that kids in the special education classroom should be treated the same as anyone else.

“The biggest thing is that they shouldn’t be intimidated,” she said. “In a perfect world, I would want the student body to treat my daughter like they would any of their other friends. I know that sometimes our kids take a little while to warm up to people, but they are just like everybody else.”

For Muhlbauer, the key to accepting everyone is to embrace differences rather than look down upon them.

“I want the typical developing students to understand that just because they’re labeled in the special ed program doesn’t mean that they’re any different than you or I,” she said. “We’re all unique, and that’s what makes the world awesome. We just really need to accept and appreciate what everybody’s strengths and abilities are, and not focus so much on what they cannot do.”

To truly foster a welcoming environment for all the students in the special education department, Muhlbauer suggests getting to know each student individually.

“I think it’s just really about taking the time to learn who the person is. To me, that’s the most important thing,” she said. “Who is this person, how do they communicate, and what can I do to facilitate any of those partnerships or friendships to bring them into the mix of the school community?”

Although it can be easy to fall into a pit of negativity, keeping an optimistic point of view is a priority for Polak.

“There are a lot of ups and downs and emotional things. I think for me, it’s just accepting all the things my son can do and stopping focusing on what he can’t. If you focus on things you can’t do, you can go down a dark road really quickly,” she said. “For my husband and I especially, in the starting out years in elementary and middle, it was really hard. People told us what he can’t do, but I already knew what he can’t do. Let’s focus on what he can do.”

English teacher Trent Scott, whose daughter has Cri du Chat syndrome, agrees.

“When Vi was first born, we struggled, which is totally natural,” he said. “I came to realize, though, that what I was grieving were my own expectations and dreams for her life. Once I realized that the pain I felt came from that place, I was able to grow beyond that. I love being able to share her and our experiences as a family with my classes so they can understand just how beautiful she, and all children, are and how much we need to appreciate people of all shapes and sizes.”

Polak looks on the positive side of every situation to truly appreciate all her son is capable of, and all he has accomplished so far.

“When you see pictures on Facebook of everyone getting dropped off at college on their first day, and you didn’t have that opportunity, it’s hard,” she said. “But then I quickly turn it around because we drop him off at work every day and he’s as happy as can be. He can walk, he can talk, he’s happy, he’s working, and being a productive member of society. That’s all I can ask for.”

For Scott, his daughter provides a measuring stick for humanity.

“If everyone could see the world through Violette’s eyes, our problems here would soon be over,” he said. “She lives in a world of joy, discovery, laughter, and love. We should all have that sort of heart attitude.”

By Abby Furcy

March 18 2022

Volume 118 Issue VI