Emma’s Dilemmas Issue 7

Identity doesn’t come easy to most, especially in teenage years. It’s something this column has focused hundreds of words on, because at our age it seems like an unscalable mountain of a topic.

For a queer teenager, however, that mountain seems to double in size, turning many away in the face of conflict. Fearful of such conflict, many teens push away that part of their identity, locking it up and tossing the key aside, just wanting to fit in. 

Being a queer teenager means suppressing the most important parts of yourself and molding what remains into someone you aren’t. Sometimes, this is motivated by simply wanting to fit in, while other times, it’s driven by fear: fear of not being accepted, fear of facing judgment, fear of rejection.

Growing up, the media had -- and continues to have -- a narrative which has gone unrecognized by heterosexuals, but one that raises blaring alarms in the ears of gays. From the narrative of the prince finding the princess to the girl falling in love with her childhood boy-best friend, queerness hasn’t merited equal media coverage, even if it’s unintentional. When we get to a certain age, queer kids seek out homosexual relationships the media fails to provide, creating our own labels, our “headcanons” about our favorite characters. 

Labels also tend to play a huge part of the queer identity, which is ironic in some ways. For people who grew up trying to fit a certain role, it’s odd that we once again try to stick a label on ourselves regarding our sexuality, even when it doesn’t fit. Homosexuality is often fluid, changing with us. Labels, on the other hand, don’t allow for much wiggle-room. 

Being a queer teenager also presents another hurdle when it comes to dating. It can be so difficult to find others who are also looking for same-sex relationships. When you find someone who is, you cling on too tight. Even if the relationship fizzles out you find yourself unable to let go, because what if there is no one else? 

Sitting at family gatherings and listening to relatives casually spit out homophobic remarks is often another unfortunate staple of the gay experience. These comments may roll off of others’ backs like nothing, but for you they get stuck in the back of your throat, leaving you unable to defend, choking on an identity denied.

All of this isn’t necessarily a universal experience when it comes to being part of the LGBTQ+ community, but that’s the beauty of it all. Every individual has their own story, their own battle. While being queer presents its own unique set of challenges, it also has its own beautiful set of outcomes. And that makes all the difference.