Emma's Dilemmas Issue 5

Growing up as a big girl, trying to find your identity seems like the most daunting task possible. The second you begin to feel comfortable in your skin, finally accepting the fact that you just aren’t skinny like the models in the commercials, you receive a backhanded comment such as, “You’re not fat, you’re beautiful!” The worst thing about quips such as these is that the person probably has the best of intentions, but you also know that they associate being fat with being ugly, because being beautiful is the only alternative. When did ugly and fat become synonyms?

With another Valentine’s Day rolling past, it makes you think about the expectations everyone seems to have when it comes to their ideal “fat girl”. They want someone with big thighs, which seems like a score, until they get a glance at the cellulite or stretch marks. They want someone with a big chest, but your breasts need to sit just right, because how dare gravity come to play? The list of expectations seems endless, an impossible checklist to mark up. And when someone truly does appreciate your body, is there a hidden meaning behind the compliment? The only possible answer to this puzzling scenario is that they are making mental notes of everything you’re lacking. 

This insecurity is only reinforced by social media, where videos entitled “What I Eat in a Day” and “How to Lose 20 Pounds in a Week” appear when you least want them to. The constant reminders that your body isn’t good enough because of a mere number on a scale is bound to cause self esteem issues, but people tend to be shocked when you make self-deprecating comments. 

Despite this, when a bigger girl posts a video of herself feeling comfortable in her skin, the comments are swarmed with hateful people who can’t stand to see a strong, confident plus-sized woman. These people tend to make assumptions that being fat is automatically equivalent to being unhealthy, when that is far from the truth for many. Men are always seeking out women who are filled out in the “right places,” but can’t handle when that comes with a few extra pounds in other, “undesirable” areas.

These unspoken standards are everywhere, and unless you’re directly experiencing them, they’re hard to notice. Even something as seemingly simple and fun as shopping can feel like an exclusive club that you aren’t a part of. It’s impossible when your friends want to shop at Brandy Melville because it’s on trend, but you know that even your calf would barely fit into the leg of their stretchiest pair of pants. Being a good friend, you’re likely to oblige, entering the store, immediately standing out like a sore thumb. Perhaps that’s only your racing mind, or maybe the workers really are staring because you aren’t good enough for their “one-size-fits-all” clothing.

Being a teenager is hard enough as it is, facing the pressures of what feels like impending doom as adulthood draws near. Combine this with a body that so many see as less-than, and you end up with a lethal concoction of insecurity and vulnerability. If only the word “fat” would have less of a negative connotation, perhaps big girls would get a chance to feel comfortable in their skin. 

by Emma Toney

Published February 26, 2024

Oshkosh West Index vol 120 issue V