“You can’t know what love is….” Oh, really?

The wonderful magic of LOVE! Is it really so wonderful? As defined by Merriam-Webster, romantic love is “attraction based on sexual desire: affection and tenderness felt by lovers.” As we navigate the craziness of high school, we also navigate the insanity of supposed love - first loves and first fights and intense feelings never felt by our developing brains. Seriously, can teenagers truly be in love?

Well, of course teenagers can be in love-- anyone can. And this fact can be seen throughout high school students on a national and even global scale. Ultimately, it is their story to tell, it’s their experiences, and they should be the ones deciding if it’s real.

In a study conducted by Liberty High School in Texas in 2020, around 61% of high school students reported having been in love, and The Cornell Daily Sun reports that 42% of students report currently wading in waters of romance. The teenage brain is entirely capable of these intense feelings and emotions. If, on average, over half of students report experiencing this phenomenon, why are they constantly berated that they aren’t capable of such sentiments?

Although numbers may be skewed, that is over half of the students asked, and if high schoolers report truly feeling that connection with someone, who should tell them they haven’t? Love can be a real, painful, and exhilarating experience. To be told that it isn’t real simply based on the stage of one’s life can feel disrespectful. Although love doesn’t necessarily need to be proven scientifically, it is a simple reaction within the brain that can be experienced by anyone at any point in life. It’s a simple neurological process. 

To put it simply, there are multiple stages of falling in love; lust, attraction, and attachment. The first, lust, releases testosterone and estrogen. The second, attraction, releases dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine -- which are the chemicals that give us those warm and fuzzy feelings most notable to love. And finally, attachment, releases oxytocin and vasopressin. All of these emotions can be felt by the high school brain just as easily as an adult one. That prefrontal cortex may not completely understand these feelings yet, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t there.

Although the feelings of love can be psychologically understood, it is truly up to human logic to process and really “name” these feelings. Being “in love” can only really be defined by the two people involved. It’s not something that needs to be proven by the parties involved either. Constantly putting this pressure on high school couples to “prove” their commitment to each other can be mentally debilitating and a strain on their relationships. Constantly asking “what will you do after high school?” and “do you really think this will last?” can put unnecessary stress on teenagers. These attitudes, felt by parents, and even peers, and their constant expression of them, may be the reason so many school relationships don’t progress until college and why such a fraction of high school relationships don’t get married.

 As explained by Couples Therapy Inc., “Less than 2% of all marriages are to a high school sweetheart.” While that statistic cannot be disputed, that most highschool relationships fail, this is not due to the invalidity of the love felt between the two youngins. While it may be true, the reason is not that love isn’t possible within the adolescent brain. A larger part of why many high school relationships fail is simply due to change and the desire of either party to “explore” and to venture beyond the world of their high school.

As Couples Therapy Inc. later goes on to explain, advice spewed from parent to child does not discount the love felt by teenage relationships. It’s not that teenagers don’t have the capability of falling in love, it’s that they may just want to get that “college experience”.  Couples Therapy Inc. states that “Many people decide not to marry their high school sweetheart not because of love for another potential partner, but rather a love of freedom and exploration.” 

This reason for the failure of many teenage connections does not mean the doom of all such relationships. It just depends on the strength of their connection. Any relationship is capable of moving past the world of high school as long as both people are willing to work hard enough. It is always possible to beat those odds and not become another statistic. In fact, dating in high school may cause an even closer bond to your partner. And if you do marry your high school sweetheart, it’s less likely that you will get a divorce than a couple that has met in any other setting. 

Someone's first love, or their “high school sweetheart,” can be an integral part of the high school experience. The first love may set the stage for how future relationships may go, how you deal with future issues within relationships, what you look for in future partners, etc, and the love shared by high school sweethearts is all too real.  

Sometimes defined as “Puppy love,” high school relationships can be a beautiful and permanent thing. All love should be shared and celebrated and should not be discounted by something as arbitrary as age. So take a risk and just enjoy the wonderful magic of LOVE - just keep your expectations for permanency dialed low with college on the horizon!

by Anika Flores

Published February 21, 2023

Oshkosh West Index Volume 119 Issue V