Meddling showrunners somehow manage to pervert Scooby legacy

Scooch over Scooby! It’s Velma’s time to shine. The modern reinterpretation of the Scooby-Doo mythos, centered around Velma Dinkley, launched on HBO Max in the beginning of the New Year. Debuting to absurdly negative reviews, Velma drops the ball in every conceivable way. Spearheaded by comedian Mindy Kaling, esteemed alumni of The Office, the show reimagines the classic Scooby-Doo characters as annoying stereotypes and manages to fail in every conceivable aspect of supposed entertainment. 

Velma follows the adventures of the titular character as she tries to solve a string of mysteries plaguing Crystal Cove, in typical and cliched Scooby-Doo fashion. Except this time… it has potty humor! Huzzah! Writers hope this ‘humor’ will somehow disguise the stench emanating from the thin excuse of a story for this show, one consisting of poor untimely references. The plot has nothing to offer that hasn’t been regurgitated by a hundred other terrible television travesties. It’s the same tired story of a young weirdo who has to become the hero and find out who has been killing everyone. It was intriguing the first 10 times, but the repetition has killed the murder-mystery genre, and it definitely does not add buoyancy to the already sinking ship that is this show.   

Velma was originally inspired after Kaling saw Spiderman: Into the Spider-Verse. She liked the idea of reimagining the character for modern generations and also diversifying the characters. On Late Night with Seth Myers, Kaling shared her love and passion for the character of Velma and how she was confused that, “people couldn't imagine a really smart, nerdy girl with terrible eyesight and who loved to solve mysteries could not be Indian.” This passion somehow led to the steaming pile of horse bile that is Velma. One would think Kaling’s admiration for the character of Velma would translate in some small way to the big screen, but nope! Velma is a shadow of her true self, only being used as a talk-piece for the out-of-touch and idiotic writer’s room. None of the nerdy charm of the original Mystery Gang’s seminal detective shines through. The Velma of this show is rude, abrasive, and uncharismatic. She serves as a one-dimensional stand-in for Kaling’s own personality. Even though she takes center-stage, Velma isn’t the only character this show butchers.

Almost every character of Mystery Incorporated has their dignity and nuance chipped away to devolve into a malformed mockery of their former selves. Shaggy is a creepy simp, pining for the attention of any female looking in his direction. Daphne has been stripped of her quirks and humor to become a boring love interest, and worst of all is Fred. Fred Jones receives the absolute worst treatment in this show and not even the golden God himself, Glenn Howerton, can save him. Fred is the most entitled, irritating, and loathsome characters on this show, and not due to any clever or complex character writing. 

Seeing as Kaling was in one of the best TV shows of the century, one could surely imagine her being able to come up with effective jokes, right? No. The only joke is on the audience for subjecting themselves to the mindless fart and poop jokes (or just plain weird ones). IMDB reviews the horror show by describing how “Velma vows to resolve her daddy issues. Norville rebels against his father's beta lifestyle. Fred fights against his family's anti-feminist ways.” Reusing buzzwords foraged off Twitter does not equate to clever storytelling. Furthermore, in episode two, there is a recurring “bit” about the pregnant wife of Velma’s father where she poses in the nude? It's bizarre concept, to put it mildly. Who asked for this show? Not to mention, there is a recurring joke throughout the entirety of this show about Fred’s package of manhood. For 10 episodes, (some of which are to be released - so there is hope for a fire at the studio), there are constant reminders about Fred Jones' 'manhood”. This is Scooby-Doo, and it does not need this juvenile humor to be funny. This also neglects the only other “joke” the show knows how to vomit up; which is a very untimely pop culture reference. It somehow gets more cringeworthy and unfunny with every watch. Scooby-Doo is funny! That is, when it has Scooby-Doo as a character.

This leads to the crowning crime from this toilet of talent: the fact that Scooby-Doo has remained unseen in this show for absolutely no reason. The literal trademarked name of the series is Scooby-Doo. The talking dog is the main selling point of the story so to boot him is frankly absurd. Creator of this Frankenstein, Charlie Grandy, told Variety, "It felt like what made it a kids’ show was Scooby-Doo." The main point in deleting Scooby-Doo from his own universe was to sell the adult aspect of this new continuity. Nevermind the fact the previous live-action adaptations contained countless snippets of adult humor without sacrificing the dog that everyone loves. 

This show didn’t have to be a Scooby-Doo show. It could have been any other adult-animated show that tanked. Instead, all this publicity stunt did was ignite the pyres of many angry fans across the globe. It has a staggering 1.4/10 stars on IMDB and is considered rotten on Rotten Tomatoes. This show is terrible. It’s not funny, the characters will plunge daggers into hearts of fans, the plot is boring and benign, and the money wasted on it could have caused a different project to be given life. 

Grade F: Ruh-roh! With lifeless characters, an overall horrendous plot, and terrible jokes, Velma is the epitome of rubbish. Keep away!

by Marcus Miller

Published February 21, 2023

Oshkosh West Index Volume 119 Issue V